picture of a woman holding a tedding bear depicting baby loss

How to support a bereaved mum this Mother’s Day

As Mother’s Day approaches, the charity Sands has shared advice for anyone who knows a mum affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby.

Family, friends, and work colleagues may feel unsure how to handle the approach of Mother's Day with bereaved parents. Sands has published tips on its website about simple things anyone can do to show they care.

Sands’ Director of Bereavement Support, Jen Coates, said: "We know from bereaved families, that have experienced baby loss, days like Mother’s Day can be full of mixed emotions. At Sands we understand that you are still a mum, and we are here for you.

"The run-up can be worrying for parents and relatives who have experienced pregnancy loss or the death of a baby and may need help to express how they feel and what they need.

"At Sands, we know it can be difficult to know what to say to a mother or anyone affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby at this time."

What to say to mums affected by pregnancy or baby loss this Mother's Day:

Say something (anything!) rather than nothing.
Acknowledge their baby.
Say their baby's name.
A really simple message such as 'I'm thinking of you and... today.
Ask them how they are.
Reassure that it's ok to feel how they are feeling.
Encourage them to take things at their own pace, one step at a time.
Encourage them to do what is best for them.
Offer to do an activity together - a walk, a coffee - if they would like to.
Be yourself and be genuine in whatever you say, and if you think you've said something unhelpful, just apologise and say something like 'I'm really sorry and I think I might be getting this wrong, but I'd just like to let you know that I am here for you.'

Sands offers safe spaces through its online community and Facebook group where there are other bereaved parents online who understand and want to offer support.

Bereaved mum Lorna said: “I really appreciate my friends and family acknowledging that it might be a bittersweet day for us. Sometimes it's a lovely day, sometimes there are melancholy moments. Even a simple hug emoji can feel supportive.”

Other ways you can help support a bereaved mum

The simplest of actions and words can make the most difference. If you are a relative or friend, letting bereaved mums know you are thinking of them can go a long way.

They are still a mum, and the saddest days are those when that is forgotten, or not acknowledged.

Sending someone a card is a lovely way to show you are thinking of them. A range of cards are available from Sands' online shop.

Heatherjane Coombs, Xander's mum, said: "I have certain friends who every year message me on mother's day just saying "thinking of you" and that means so so much to me. Everyone is different though and I know I had friends who didn't want that card, but a simple acknowledgement meant the world to me."

This Mother's Day and beyond, let's recognise all the wonderful mums and grandmothers in our lives. Whether their children can be held in their arms or in their hearts and minds, they'll always be a mum or grandmother, and that is something very special to celebrate.

Whether you want to honour your partner, a family member or friend, or even a work colleague, show them how amazing they are with a heartfelt dedication.